"...To Continue"

Yesterday I wrote on this blog about how I tend to have an image of myself in my mind. That is to say, I have this ideal woman pictured in my brain. I have internalized her so much that I feel hard pressed to measure up to "her" expectations of the sort of person I should be.

In my blog, I briefly described that ideal woman. However, in that little description I left out some important qualities of "Superwoman". Above all, she is a woman seeking the heart of God. She reads her Bible daily, speaks of Jesus Christ in her daily conversations and attends church with regularity. I wish that were my claim to how I live, but sadly it isn't. Except that I do truly love God. I believe He is real and that He listens to me. He hears my prayers and talks to me in ways I'd have a difficult time explaining here. Although, I must confess that I'm not always obedient to what I hear Him telling me to do.

In church we are told to live the way we know that God would want us to. We are urged to follow after Jesus and live for Him, showing honor to His ultimate sacrifice for our sins. Do only those things in life that we know will be to the glory of God.

That is no small order to live up to. I've worked on my spiritual life all of my days on this earth. When I was a child of elementary school age, my parents were faithful in taking my brothers and I to church "every time the doors were opened." I can say with all truth that I was not allowed to miss services at my church unless I was sick with a fever. I even remember once breaking out in an allergic rash all over my body in the middle of a Southeast Texas summer and wearing long sleeves and Mother's face powder to church to cover up the rash. I wasn't allowed to miss church for something like a rash. Although, I write that I wasn't "allowed", I don't remember resenting my parents' insistence of my attending.

My "Superwoman" image in my head goes to church regularly, teaches a class, represents a Christian example to the people of the world and is willing to do anything needed in the service of the Lord. My image also studies her Bible daily, prays without ceasing and loves the unlovely. I must say that I do pray a lot. If it were not for my prayers, I'm afraid that I'd be in a lot worse shape than I am. One thing I have come to realize is that even though people come and go from my life, God has never left me. Even times when I quit talking to Him, He was there just waiting to pick up where we had left off in our conversations. He is dependable when no one else is.

This morning I was reading online in the Alcoholics Anonymous publication they call the "Big Book". In it I found a suggested prayer for the person wanting to overcome his/her addiction. It goes like this:
"God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
BB--Chpt5, p. 63

That whole chapter has to do with denying self and handing our lives over to a "higher power". Boy! That would relieve a lot of pressure now wouldn't it? I mean just think of it, to explode my "Superwoman" image and let God take over. The idea is to get to the point of doing more for others than for self. Now that seems to be a no-brainer, but not for a person obsessed with an addiction and how to satisfy that inner craving.

My head image of who I should be and who I am needs a make over. However, some of that old image isn't all bad. As much as "The Wife of Noble Character" in Proverbs 31 makes most of us want to hurl stones, she should be my head image. I am a selfish person seeking to satisfy my inner cravings and that needs to change. Thank the Lord that with my God all things are possible.