September 26, 2011

Change? Of course!

Ecclesiastes 3:1 

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens

The above Old Testament verse indicates change is inevitable. As human beings our physical and mental states will continue to evolve for all the years we are alive. There is nothing that can be done to stunt life's growth or change, save death.

As a 40-year-old woman, no change had been more jarring to my little world than the death of my mom. When my mother passed away, I felt like part of my body had been ripped out leaving an empty dark hole within my chest. Coping with that type of change to my life was more difficult than anything I had ever experienced up to that point in my life or since. When Dad passed away, grief stricken, but with relieved blessing I was glad that he was finally at rest from the misery that is Alzheimer's disease. My mind had mentally prepared for his passing. I was not going to be traumatized as I had been when Mama passed away. My desire was not to feel that much hurt again. Therefore, my prayers to God had been for Dad's deliverance from the bondage that dread disease had on all of his memories. My sweet daddy, the first male love of my life, the one to which all men would have to measure up, joined Mama five years after her death. Then, not many years later, my brother's wife, Cynthia, was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. She was a delight to be around, making everyone laugh and be happy. She was only a year or so older than me and I loved her so much. Change had been coming to my life all those 40-plus years I had lived. Yet I had not paid attention to what I'd seen of others passing from this world up to that point. It had not occurred to me how my life would be affected by death or how sad it would make me feel. My life paradigm began a significant shift.

Now, in my late fifties, another big change stunned my life last June when my oldest brother, Johnny, passed away at 68 years old. Saddened again by death, my childhood family has been reduced from two parents, plus three kids, to just my other brother, Richard, and me. Johnny was the oldest of the cousins and the first of us cousins to pass away. I suppose his death is what has prompted my thoughts about change lately. Of course, I knew this day was coming like death will come to us all. I had just not expected it to be so abrupt. All of my experiences with death had not prepared me for the abruptness of Johnny's death. The family members of my parent's generation are passing from this life, just as God has planned, and now it would seem my generation has started on the same passage from this world as well. My mother's brother, his wife, one of my dad's brothers and one of his sisters are all who remain of my parents' generation. Daddy's youngest sister, also has Alzheimer's disease and will likely be the next to leave this earth. Life changes like clouds adrift on a sky blue day.

Listening to an audio book by a Baptist minister, Don Piper, I heard him use a phrase to describe his life after a terrible auto accident, this would be my new normal. To have one sibling left, a handful of aunts and uncles and several more cousins, is my new normal on the family front. Another part of this new norm is the fact that my grown sons aren't going to live where I want them to live. Imagine that! Our middle son, his wife, and our almost 2 year old sweet Olivia, have moved a short 6-7 hours away with their feline pet, Pumpkin. They aren't so far away that we can't drive to see them in a day or they to see us. Modern technology allows us to use our cell phones to talk face to face with each other. Still, it rocked my world like a slight earthquake tremor when my son announced the move and our drive to their house would increase from 45 minutes to 6 hours without stops. It saddened my heart to think that our little Olivia would not be close to us and perhaps not remember who we were each time we saw her again. We were in Sugar Land helping them pack and ready that house for the move when I got my brother Richard's call that Johnny had suffered a massive heart attack in Beaumont. I will never forget the day Johnny died was June 20th, the day we were helping Kyle and Amanda move to Abilene with Olivia.Talk about my world being shifted and turned upside down in one day!

My cable network has CNN and I watch it. I realize I have a million and one blessings for which I should be and am thankful. The youngest of our three sons and his wife live right here in Baytown and our oldest son, his wife and their two adorable children live in a nearby town. With pleasure we get to see our two oldest grandchildren more often than when they once lived in far away Michigan. We've been to their dance recitals, swim meets, baseball games, plays and birthday parties. We've experienced watching the newest generation of Martins in Regan and Aidan as they perform on stage. I'm delighted every time our youngest son Ryan shows up unexpectedly at our back door. No matter what the reason, I smile when I hear his voice on the other end of a telephone call. It is God's blessings bestowed on us, undeserving as I am, that we are within at least a day's driving distance of all three of our sons' families. It is that new normal at this stage of my life to have grown children, grandchildren, and daughters-in-law in my family who are the joys of my life.

It is not my intention to slight the mention of a beautiful family I married into on a chilly December Saturday in 1974. My husband's family is one for whom I am eternally grateful. I love all of the Martins as if I had been raised alongside all of them my whole life. All of the holiday celebrations with the Martins are special. We sing, play games, laugh and I get to listen to the political minds of the Martins keeping fresh on current events. I love seeing Kim's parents at our church. We have celebrated JoAn and Kelly's anniversaries for the past 3 decades with this 2011 year being their 60th. The Martins are my family and I consider it a privilege to be a Martin.

My side of the family is dwindling for sure and it still makes me sad. There are no more Christmas gatherings with any member of the Ritchey's or Bonds any more, no birthday parties with grandparents or spur of the moment visits with my parents. The only times life finds the Ritcheys and Bonds still gathering on this earth is the occasional wedding or funeral such as the recent memorial service for my brother last June. My hope is to one day reunite all the Ritchey and Bond families for a happy family reunion. My prayer is that the reunion plans will be made and carried out before another change hits our families.

Drastic changes in my family over the past two decades has caused me to change the way I used to plan the weekends, holidays and even phone calls in the evenings.  No longer do I think about driving one hour over to my hometown of Port Neches to surprise my parents on a Sunday morning.  Gone are the excited happy plans of frantic Christmas present exchange with my cousins or birthday celebrations for my grandmother. Phone calls to Mom and Dad just to say "hello" are not even a bleep on the radar of my life anymore. All that is left of my life in Port Neches are memories, the cemetery holding my parents' last remains and a little wood-framed house on the corner of a meandering street corner, two blocks down from my old high school. To say I miss my family would be an understatement. Eighteen years past Mother's death and my heart still aches, yearns to be with my parents again, to have Johnny's large frame wrap his strong arms around me in a bear hug or hear the quick wit of my sister-in-law that kept us all laughing. Sometimes its overwhelming to consider, and I feel like I'm alone in the middle of a gigantic world.

Then, I shake my head back from my depression to the blessings God has left for me here and now.  I am not alone when I still have a husband who is the love of my life. Kim has been my best friend and support during all those sad times of losing loved ones. Last summer as soon as I got word of Johnny's situation, Kim dropped everything and was helping me figure out the next plan.  It was Kim, an in-law in my family, who volunteered to be in charge of Johnny's remains after the cremation. Though not without our share of hard times, our marriage has survived 36 years. I'm so blessed to have such a man as Kim to grow old with and trudge through the inevitable trials of this world. I thank God each night when I pray that He caused me to notice the skinny dark haired guy who walked into my choir class at ACC back in 1971.  I am confident Kim will always be at my side to share life's burdens till God takes one of us home. Another paradigm shift one of us will have to deal with when the time comes.

Numbers 6:24-25


The LORD bless you
   and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine on you
   and be gracious to you


September 25, 2011

Be Patient...Change is Coming!

Change is inevitable to just about any activity in which we choose to engage ourselves. At some point down the road, rules will change, layouts will change, the way we use a devise will update; I can hardly keep up with the latest iPhone/iPad out these days. Take for example the Facebook changes of late.  People have reacted with outrage to Facebook making recent changes in the layout and the manner in which we interact with the site. Friends have voiced displeasure in an overwhelming number of status updates of protest. What an inconvenience to have to learn a new way to read and post to Facebook!  Really?  It's free to use and we should be thrilled at the opportunity to save cell phone user minutes/dollars to keep updated with friends and family.  If not for Facebook and Twitter too,  we'd never know when old college buddies became grandparents or got a promotion at work or had retired. With the growing number of complaints about Facebook changes, I scoffed when I read a status update displaying disdain at such Facebook alterations. I even posted in essence for my FB friends to quit whining about Facebook and get over it. Not my exact wording but that's what I meant.

Then, after not posting to Blogger.com since early last July, I find my blog dashboard had been changed and I was at first a little...well...upset. I couldn't figure out how to post a new blog entry. It didn't look the same. Where were the tabs I was accustomed to seeing when I logged on?  Where were all the features I'd grown comfortable using?  Did I mention I couldn't post?!  I couldn't even find my archive. Argggh!  How dare they! Just as I was about to sink into despair, I noticed a rather prominent orange button with a pencil icon.  Oh, do you suppose it will let me post to my blog? I clicked the obvious button and there it was, New Post.  Next to the writing button, a list icon and a drop-down file. My archives!  Ahhh,  Happiness, home, comfort, satisfaction, contentment. 

My disdain and unhappiness with the Blogger.com changes were much like those of my fellow Facebook friends. I'm no better and whined and complained when my little world took on an unexpected change. My fellow human beings, we are not creatures of change, but creatures of habit. Change is difficult. Change takes more thinking than we want to do today. Change is work! But wait...it didn't take all that long for me to catch on to the Facebook changes, and chances are within another week most of my Facebook friends won't even care about the changes to their home page. Furthermore, didn't I find the orange New Post button within a few page entries?  It really wasn't all that difficult.  So, why do we get so upset about change?

That, my social-networking, blogging, Tweeting friends is human nature. We are impatient, self-centered, imperfect people. Oh, that we all could learn to roll with the punches, bend with the wind and be flexible!  As a public school teacher, my motto was Be Flexible. To the motto of my career, I would also add Be Patient.
Be Flexible-Be Patient!
Colossians 3:12
New International Version (NIV)
 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.


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