Recently, my job with a local tax office finished as April 15 came to a close. Those seasonal jobs while good for the pay are not meant to last. So,for these post-tax season days, I have been around the house, trying to find something to do with myself. Although,there is more than enough work around my house and yard to keep me busy 12 hours a day for months, its not what I want to do. My heart just isn’t in it, but it will be eventually.I just have to find my rhythm. The thought of rearranging garage sale items in my garage doesn’t excite me right now.Nor does the task of cleaning out our files, the closets and deciding what to keep or trash attractive to me. I have however, had a desire to work out in my yard to cut back the winter weeds and clear off the patio. That would make me very happy, very sore, but happy.
Next week I have an interview with an office temp agency. Professional apparel is required piling an added pressure on to the whole job equation. Shopping for clothes is not fun for me. I can’t just look for the cute clothes,but I have to really watch the price tag. I fret over the one perfect outfit out of a large number of outfits. Generally speaking, people do not enjoy shopping with me therefore I normally shop alone.
Money issues just frustrate me so much! We have had bills forever like all families do, but I would love to see black $0.00 at the end of the month in the "balance box" on statements. Knowing the bills are more than what we bring home, just makes me sick. There is a guilty feeling on my part because I retired from a well paying teaching job too early. Hindsight really is 20/20 and I see clearly now that I should not have ever retired. Although, I try to tell myself it was best for me at the time and I have to accept it. I realize that I tend to stress too much. My small world is out of sync and in need of balance. It’ll come because I am praying to God that it will. He will care for me as he always has and I just have to let go and let God.
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