Marriage and the AARP

This morning I noticed our AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) magazine on the counter and a handsome Dennis Quaid caught my eye. Inside a dreamy-eyed Hugh Grant smiled for his 50th birthday photo. The over 50 crowd is just as handsome as ever. Though I smiled as I glanced at the two lovelies, the real reason I picked up the magazine was to read an article about, 8 Signs Your Marriage is Healthy (or not).

Another particularly handsome over 50 male is my own, Kim Martin. We've been together for 38 years as a couple, 35 of those years in marriage. Our marriage is very seasoned and comfortable but not without room for improvement. So, naturally, the article piqued my interest. What I learned is that our marriage is healthy and normal for as long as we have been together. Those long periods of silence between us as we type on our computers (or in Kim's case, his iPhone) are not to be taken as a sign of marriage deterioration. Though I've wondered in the past if those periods of quiet during meals or riding in a car were not a sign of complacency, the article offered credible advice (the author is a 38 year vet of relationships research) to the contrary.

My conclusion after reading the article, Fighting the 40-Year Itch, is that our marriage is stronger than ever. Today we have a deeper relationship supported by knowing glances and looks of understanding. We have a knowledge of how the other will react to certain life situations one only learns after years of attention to the details of a relationship. Names of affection naturally punctuate our spoken words to each other. We take care of each other, discuss budgets, love our precious grandchildren and still enjoy activities together.

We don't have to say, "I love you", but we do. When we hug in the kitchen or simply pat the other in bed after an exhausting day, those three words can still be as comforting as they were 35 years ago. As Tevya says to Golda, "it doesn't change a thing, but after 25 years (35 years), it's nice to know".

Thank you Kim for growing old with me. I love you!

From 50 to 60 in just 10 Years

Since early June, Kim and I have been involved in another BLT (Baytown Little Theater) summer musical, My Fair Lady. Against my better judgment I went to the auditions and since Kim was bound to work on the show, I joined him on the play. Now I say "against my better judgment" because I know my body and that it has been feeling not only my age, but my weight. "Yikes!" my feet and knees scream.

Kim was cast in the role of Henry Higgins which is the male lead. My part is "chorus". Eh, its not much, but in some shows a bigger part than in other shows. For me, My Fair Lady has been that "other" show. As enjoyable as singing and acting is for me, the dancing part, not so much. Just the other side of 50 years old...okay, several miles passed the tracks...I can't dance without hearing those cries from my feet and legs. Having just completed the opening weekend of the play, my feet and legs are yelling in pain at me.

Learning all of those Henry Higgins' lines was a challenge for Kim. The character not only speaks with an English accent, the wordy phrases are said in such a way that only the English would say. He, and I, have labored over his lines as he worked to memorize songs and words. Once an easier task, now "just the other side of 50 years old", he has found this activity not as pleasurable as it was before.

Simply aging is not difficult. Keeping our aging bodies in good condition is very difficult for some of us. Activities we do after we turn 50 has become more of a chore than they were before. Even though most of us have learned that exercise and healthy diets are beneficial to our aging bodies, I find that many of us don't get serious about our exercise and diet until we hurt.

After opening weekend of the play where really did enjoy dancing in shoes my feet were not accustomed to wearing, and on floors with no cushion whatsoever, my legs really hurt. It is not going to be as much fun the second weekend of the play if my legs do not recover from that workout. Exercise? Now too late, I wish I'd kept up with exercise.

Whereas my leg muscles have rebelled against my dancing, Kim's brain has benefited from the mental workout he gave it. All of his hard work memorizing lines of Professor Higgins probably built his brain power. Makes one wonder if in our high technological age of short Twitter and Facebook posts, email and abbreviated phone texting, are not doing our brains more harm than good. Kim's memorization was a real brain workout for sure.

Have I learned anything from this experience? Sure, of course I did! Follow my first instinct and don't do this again!!! Ha! not really. What I've learned is that I need to be more diligent to eat healthier, lose weight and exercise so my legs won't freak out with physical activity. Will I be in another summer musical? Probably. Will Kim be in another play? It is highly likely he will, though I would doubt it will be as a lead character. Although, I have to tell you readers, he was a fantastic Professor Higgins!

My high school class just celebrated our 40th Reunion. In two years we will be part of the 60 group. Where has the time gone? My time on this earth is narrowing down and if I want these years to be more pleasure and less misery, I need to listen to my body and help it out. My feet and legs have got to be shut up, they are screaming way too much these days.

Since 2007

It has been 3 years since I retired from full-time teaching. When it was brought to my attention by TRS (Texas Retirement System) four years ago that I qualified for retirement with full benefits, I leaped at the chance to get out of the classroom. Working since graduation in 1974, I had grown weary of the progressive demands being put upon classroom instructors. After retiring, I realizing our household budget could not support a drastic cut in income. Therefore, I vowed to find a job, even full-time, to supplement my TRS paycheck. Also, substitute teaching would not be an option. I was finished with that line of work or so I thought at the time. Here it is 2010 and though I have worked various jobs, over the course of these three years, none of the positions have been long-term. Most were related to teaching with some even as a substitute teacher. None, however, has paid what as needed to supplement our budget over the course of a year. Thus, our monthly budget has taken a hard hit since 2007. In particular, the summer months have proven difficult since most positions I worked were in the familiar background of education.

In as much as I had promised to find work after retirement, that first year I could do nothing more than simply drink in the fresh air outside of the school building. It filled my lungs with a liberated air like none I’d ever breathed before! There was a whole world of activity outside of a school building where teachers rarely have opportunity to venture. One such activity was to assist my theater active husband. It bought joy into my life to be able to search and fetch play props, or gather costumes for his students. During days when the teaching world was cooped up in a building, I could drive to various stores or stay home and create. This satisfied the art side of my brain and filled an inner creative passion within my soul. Unfortunately, none of those activities provided a salary. My happiness overshadowed the growing need to supplement my monthly TRS check being deposited in our account. After that first year it became my duty to seek ways to make good on my promises. Finding a paying job was to become my full-time task.

Marketing of my talents is something I have not learned well. After working in the schools from tutor to tester and teaching at times in-between, I find it difficult to focus on my skills and talents outside the realm of education. Swallowing one’s pride and marketing one’s self as a viable commodity is not my forte. Therefore, since the field of education is where I have most experience, those are the types of jobs I have had over these past 3 years. An additional problem, as I have already pointed out, is education jobs do not pay during the summer months.

Last tax season I thought my luck had taken a turn when the perfect job opened. A good friend and fellow educator put me on to a position in a tax office as an assistant. The tax season came and went with only the slightest challenge to my intellect and skills. It was a most enjoyable climate and workplace, but it was to play out as the tax season came to an end. Once again the summer months have come with no paychecks to deposit.

As much as I wish I didn’t have to, I find myself searching the classifieds again, hoping for the perfect position. An occasional lead on a job piques my interest only to find out Spanish is preferred or the pay is too little. Just yesterday though I read an ad for a Parent – Teacher Involvement specialist. Identified families with babies under school age are the target subjects. Salaries not from an institute paying into TRS, would help me maintain my retirement status, possibly making this just the job for me. Although somewhat in the field of education, the position also markets as a service to families in need. I like the idea of helping others as my Christian duty. It also has the potential to be a full-time permanent position. So, this morning I brushed up my resume, wrote a cover letter and sent it in an email to the hiring committee for their consideration. Perhaps they will grant an interview to me.

For some retirees, such as myself, work after retirement is not simply a means to pass the time of the long days. Rather it is of necessity that I be gainfully employed. After all, I was not actually of retirement age in 2007. Not only should I still be part of the workforce, there has surfaced another personal need. From time to time, a need to serve some greater purpose in this world oozes forth; I feel as lazy as a lizard when all around me people are making contributions to society. An inner need to make a difference wells up within me and I wonder what God’s plan is for me now. Am I missing something that will not simply benefit our budget, but more importantly, benefit another human being? God will reveal his plan for me, of that I am certain. My prayer is that when He does, any lack of confidence in my abilities won’t blind me to His will.