Marriage and the AARP

This morning I noticed our AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) magazine on the counter and a handsome Dennis Quaid caught my eye. Inside a dreamy-eyed Hugh Grant smiled for his 50th birthday photo. The over 50 crowd is just as handsome as ever. Though I smiled as I glanced at the two lovelies, the real reason I picked up the magazine was to read an article about, 8 Signs Your Marriage is Healthy (or not).

Another particularly handsome over 50 male is my own, Kim Martin. We've been together for 38 years as a couple, 35 of those years in marriage. Our marriage is very seasoned and comfortable but not without room for improvement. So, naturally, the article piqued my interest. What I learned is that our marriage is healthy and normal for as long as we have been together. Those long periods of silence between us as we type on our computers (or in Kim's case, his iPhone) are not to be taken as a sign of marriage deterioration. Though I've wondered in the past if those periods of quiet during meals or riding in a car were not a sign of complacency, the article offered credible advice (the author is a 38 year vet of relationships research) to the contrary.

My conclusion after reading the article, Fighting the 40-Year Itch, is that our marriage is stronger than ever. Today we have a deeper relationship supported by knowing glances and looks of understanding. We have a knowledge of how the other will react to certain life situations one only learns after years of attention to the details of a relationship. Names of affection naturally punctuate our spoken words to each other. We take care of each other, discuss budgets, love our precious grandchildren and still enjoy activities together.

We don't have to say, "I love you", but we do. When we hug in the kitchen or simply pat the other in bed after an exhausting day, those three words can still be as comforting as they were 35 years ago. As Tevya says to Golda, "it doesn't change a thing, but after 25 years (35 years), it's nice to know".

Thank you Kim for growing old with me. I love you!