It Is, What It Is

A new catch phrase I've come to embrace: It is, what it is. We can sugar coat bad news or try our best to rationalize a situation we'd rather not be in, but in the end...it is what it is.

Plans change as situations change and sometimes things just don't work out the way we planned. I retired from 30 years of school teaching in 2007. My plans were to find other work, maybe even a new career. We really could not afford for me to retire, but I was not happy and was coming down with major burn out. However, after I retired, I did not work at all until January when I began administering tests for the school district. During the months I did not work, I enjoyed my freedom from lesson planning, grading papers, turning in gradesheets and disciplining children. It felt good. I volunteered more with the community theater, ran errands and did things for my husband I never was able to do before. I had freedom to go grocery store shopping in the middle of the day when the store was not crowded. There's a lot to be said for getting to do what you've always dreamed of doing while everyone else is at work. Yes, it felt good and I liked it.

Then, we began to miss my paycheck and I knew it was time for me to buckle down to finding a part time job. The testing I had done was temporary and even though it paid well, did not last long enough. I was asked to give tests again during the summer, but again, it was temporary. Next, I found out about a university supervisor job and began my inquiry. The job was paying pretty good and with my qualifications, I was hired for the new school year as an adjunct at the university.

The opportunity to work with college students and help them through the process of becoming a teacher is a very fulfilling experience. My field work is only one day a week. I accept the students' assignments online and grade their digital papers on other days from the convenience of my home. Then, at mid term the university made budget cuts and changed the university supervisor's responsibility and pay from two courses, to one course. The pay cut really did not help our situation. So, I signed on to tutor students, and give more tests to supplement my annuity paycheck from the retirement system. Problem now is that I must keep track of all the hours I work for a state education institution or I jeopardize my annuity if I work over 50% of full time employment. Believe me when I say that keeping up with those hours is another job all together.

We have done pretty good up until this month when no extra income coming in for the summer has really taken its toll. Fortunately, the schools are starting back up tomorrow. I've signed on to work with the university again and also applied to substitute teach in the public schools where I retired from 2 years ago. When I announced that I was retiring in 2007, many people asked if I would be substitute teaching to which I hastily replied, No way! Shouldn't have spoken so fast.

It was my wish to retire, so I really shouldn't complain. The daily drudgery of all the paperwork every single night of the week just got to me. Retirement had to happen and my husband supported me. Every now and then, I get anxious about the loss of income. I can't help it. When the money isn't there for me to something for new the house or bills aren't paid on time, the blues kick in. A little of the old depression covers me like water from a shower washing over my nervous system. I can't stop the feeling and begin to feel sorry for myself and for Kim who married a person like me. Don't get me wrong it's not like I want to go out and spend lots of money on a 2010 black Jaguar. As awesome as that would be, I really just wish the bills would be paid on time and I could buy a new dress every now and then. No, I won't complain because I have a roof over my head, I get fed more than a person needs, my husband and I both have our own cars to drive and we aren't sick. (Thank the Lord!) We have a lot to be thankful for. Even the cats are happy as they have all the same luxuries that we have except the car. They wouldn't like riding in it anyway. So, what can I say? It is, what it is. I must rejoice and be happy in my current circumstances. If the Lord has other plans for me, he will make it known to me. I just pray I'm paying attention and don't miss His message.
I must rely on my Lord and learn from Paul in Philippians 4:11.