One of the Cool Kids

Did you ever want to be one of the cool kids? If so, did you ever get over it? In a sense I don't believe any of us do. As I review my childhood, adolescence up through today, I still want to be accepted, liked by everyone and to be one of the cool kids.

As a child in grade school, I really wanted to be liked by the kids that seemed to be friends with everyone. Those kids were my friends and for the most part they were nice to me, but still I was not at the tops of the lists for invitations to parties or group nights at the roller rink. I used to think being Church of Christ and not attending dances was a major drawback for me in the popularity department. I remember once in about 5th or 6th grade, I did get invited to a group night at the roller rink with who I considered the cool kids. One of the mom's picked me up and I climbed into the car with my girlfriends. At the rink, the girls really didn't mean to ditch me, but they weren't going to babysit me all evening either. Friday night at the roller rink and it was packed with kids. It was a wonder that anyone could actually skate on the floor, it was so crowded. I managed to get separated from my group and ended up on the dirty floor after a skater going by tripped me. I was mortified as the high school male rink employee scooped me up off the wooden floor. I considered myself a fairly decent skater, but was feeling very much out of my element that night. Confidence to act carefree, to laugh about my fall, or just to have a good time while interacting with other kids was a personal trait I lacked. My feelings and self esteem were bruised so, I called my mother to take me home. Life's little problems among preteen girls are always over dramatic. However, those low self esteem moments do much to shape the way we self protect in our futures.

To be accepted, respected and liked is something we all desire. Right or wrong, its there, but the way we handle disappointment in ourselves is critical to our overall reaction to life in general. Once we start giving into our feelings of inadequacy, it is hard to think otherwise. Still to this day when a problem arises or something goes wrong in a situation, my first thought is that it's my fault.

Even though our sons are grown, married and no longer at home, Kim and I still find ourselves as busy as ever. Before I retired from school teaching, I had begun to feel respected by other teachers. I was given more responsibilities at work and felt confident in what I was doing. I believe it was as much for my many years of experience as anything that this shift in self-confidence came about. Over the years I've met people who would never seem interested in what I had to say. I was a "back-burner" person. What I had to say about a subject didn't seem to matter when they'd cut me off in mid-thought or not give me a chance to respond to the conversation. They would listen intently to what someone else had to say...or was that just my destructive self talking?

However, these days I am working with a local university as a teacher intern supervisor. I really like working with the college students preparing for their futures in education. I think I have a lot to offer them from my experiences. When I lead a seminar with my interns or participate in a university supervisors' business meeting, I don't feel I am on the back burner waiting for someone to notice me. I am still awestruck that my interns even listen and take into account what I have to say.

My confidence level with whatever activity or job on which I embark has always been mediocre at best. However, these days I am finally feeling a better sense of boldness in myself and my abilities. My self-assured days come and go, but I like to think that most days I approach tasks with a renewed trust that I can accomplish most of what awaits.

Do I still want to be one of the cool kids? Yes, I'm afraid that I do, but in a different way than I did as a child. Who really are the cool kids now? Are they the leaders or the people that work in the background of projects? Are they the life of the party or the confident people making sure that everyone is having a good time and not feeling alone? Are the cool kids today placing more importance on how they look or how they treat others?

I'm still not what most people might consider one of the cool kids here on earth. However, I believe that when I reach heaven one day, I am going to know the Coolest Kid of all. God's own son, Jesus, will come up to me, throw His arms around me and speak my name. My confidence will soar because He will know me and that will make me one of the cool kids.

“His master replied, ’Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ Matthew 25:21