Embracing Today

Christmas, 1970-something, my cousins, brothers and I in Port Neches with our grandmother

For all of the years I lived in Port Neches, Texas, and even for many years to follow, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, and my grandparents would all gather at my parent’s house for holidays. My mom’s parents, who lived a short drive away, celebrated with us every year. My dad's parents lived in Oklahoma and I have assumed all of these years it was because they just lived too far away to drive to Texas for the holidays. It might be safe to think that my grandparents just didn't drive very far across the Oklahoma border. We visited them about one time a year.

If the Abilene relatives drove down by Christmas Eve, mom and her sister would bake in the kitchen for the next day.  The East Texas cousins would arrive on Christmas Day. While cooking and baking was going on in the kitchen, we kids would play games, the men watched football on TV, and at some point in the evening a domino game of Forty-Two would start up.  What a great memory for me to remember the shouts of victory, explanations of why someone had lost or the laughter as a team caught up to the winners.  Those happy sounds blended with delicious smells wafting from the kitchen, were a real joy to me as a child and a comforting memory to me as an adult.

All the beds in the house, plus sofa beds and pallets on the floor, were filled on Christmas Eve with family members.  When us kids would wake up, we'd head straight for the Santa presents. I had to be careful not to reveal Santa’s true identity to my younger cousins. Mom explained the Santa thing sort of like this:  "It’s fun to pretend there is a Santa Claus, but we are the ones that bring your presents." Mama felt she should not lie to us and so, I never "believed" in Santa as a real person. However, I sure believed in Christmas. I loved the decorated tree, the presents, the fun I had with my cousins and all the wonderful food my mom, aunts and grandmother would fix. Those were special times locked away forever in my memory.

Just thinking about all the scrumptious foods prepared at Christmas makes my mouth water. My aunts, grandmother along with Mama were experts at making fluffy white divinity candy so sweet that one piece was all you could eat.  Mother's enticing pecan and coconut cream pies were a standard for the holidays. She baked ham, surgery yams, potato salad, baked beans, fruit salad, and hot soft rolls. Oftentimes, she also prepared turkey and dressing, in spite of having just served it on Thanksgiving. There was always enough food to feed "Cox's Army" as my mom would say.  It all came so naturally for her to make Christmas a joyous time to be with family.

The last Christmas we celebrated in my childhood home, was 1992 before Mama passed away in May of 1993.  Mom cooked her usual spread of Christmas food for all of us who gathered.  We played games and laughed ourselves silly.  However, mom was sick and was not to be with us for the next Christmas.  She passed away in from cancer. That same year, my brothers and I learned that Daddy’s forgetfulness wasn’t just natural aging. He had Alzheimer’s disease.  Christmas, 1992, closed the book on my childhood Christmas holidays.  Even though I was an adult, as long as my parents were living, I still felt like a child. My dad passed away five years after Mom in September of 1998.

Even though I made attempts to continue my mom’s kind of Christmas with my brothers and sisters in law at our house, it never caught on.  We all knew it was time to split up where we spent the holiday. Aunts and Uncles spent future holidays with my cousins' families. My brothers went with their wives' families and I with my husband's family at Christmas. Depression began to seep into my holidays as I mourned the passing of the Ritchey/Bond Christmas in Port Neches.

When Christmas with our three sons and their families come to our house, I anticipate a wonderful day shared with them, my husband, and three very fun grandchildren. With Mom’s recipes, I can prepare some of the tastes from my past and honor her, my grandmother and aunts. Traditions are perhaps a past generation’s idea. I am learning that it’s okay to let those traditions pass with their  generation and not mourn their death over and over again. Our children and grandchildren will celebrate any occasion with their energetic youthful joy filling our home with laughter, songs and fun. So, I know it is better for me to dust off my Holiday Spirit and embrace the present generation through our children while fondly remembering my parents and days gone by.  
(Embracing Today, originally written Dec., 2010)

Christmas, 2008, The Martins at our house in Baytown