Serenity

Sometimes we need a fairy godmother to wave her wand over our lives. A wave of her wand and old cars are new, house repairs are done, yard work a thing of the past and sad feelings go away. Or I know my Christian friends would say we need Jesus and all that is needed is to pray to God for help. That is how I was raised, to believe that Jesus is the answer to all our problems. I know in my head that is true, but sometimes, what I observe doesn’t seem to be in my heart that prayers fix problems.

Either way, whether by fairy godmother or God, we need some relief from stress and worries that tend to be creeping into our lives. And since I’m certain a fairy godmother doesn’t exist, I must rely on my God who I know does exist. It is nothing earth shattering like catastrophe by nature or tragedy by death or any of a number of horrific circumstances we hear of unfortunate individuals living with these days that has me wishing on a star. No, it is simply change in life. Transition from a once active person both physically and mentally, to a slower person’s days interrupted by the occasional specialty doctor visit or even an ER visit while we deal with new aches and pains in our mortal bodies. Some of us don’t slow down with ease or grace. Accepting that our lives much change just because our bodies are aging is difficult. We enjoyed, and mostly took for granted, our abilities to simply go out in the backyard to pull weeds, bend down to pick up sticks or mop the floors, even doing our daily jobs is different now that we are older.

When we can’t do what we want because of physical or mental stress, it is a big deal particularly if we have not experienced that feeling of helplessness or illness before. Something others might not notice is that we are sad about this change. We long for the old days when we had more energy, could move easier, stay up long hours, sleep late on Saturdays, work around our house and go to work on Monday with the vitality we once had. Above all we miss being happy about our lives.

Retirement at 55 years old perhaps was too early for me to throw in the towel. I still substitute teach and give tests with our school district. I attempted other part time jobs, but none seemed to be a good fit for me. The jobs didn’t feel comfortable or like I was making a needed contribution that mattered. Substitute teaching and getting back into schools around familiar surroundings and things I know has felt like going home. Working with students, in my opinion, is making worthwhile contributions to society and it’s like riding a bike for me. The money would be better if I’d work more days, but then, where would the retirement come in? No, I am past dealing with children’s behavior issues or getting worked up because my stomach is not cooperating on an early morning before classes start. It’s just too much to deal with anymore, but still, I miss being part of the education team. The thing I particularly miss is the paycheck every month. So, to work a few days a week or in situations where there is little stress, suits my needs even if it doesn’t suit my bank account.

My husband has not retired yet, but switched jobs 2 years ago from a high school theater teacher to a community college theater instructor. He’s good at it, but I believe the change in institutions was more than he anticipated. There are new rules, policies and lessons to learn, more pressure to succeed. Hours rehearsing a play are long and tiring, plus preparing/teaching classes are a strain for the older person he is now. He strives to put forth his best efforts so students, audiences, and the college benefits from his work. That is a lot of responsibility to shoulder even for a person of his experience in this line of work.

This stage of our lives presents new challenges and expectations. I didn’t anticipate our bodies to groan so much as quickly in our early 60’s. I suppose that was naïve of me to think that we’d go along painlessly as we near the end of our second third of life. In my mind I have divided my life into thirds of 3 decades each. That would put us in the last decade of the second third of life. Does that seem morbid? Well, if it does, it’s fine because that is what I thought about as I turned 60 years old. If I live to be 90 years old, I have less than 30 years to live. Both of my parents and my older brother passed away by the time they were in their early 70's. If genetics play any part in my lifespan I may have less days to enjoy life on earth. Morbid to think about perhaps, but how am I going to handle this? Sadly, I thought that I’m running out of time to do something worthwhile with my life. What do I do? The best thing I've tried to combat the sad feelings was quite by accident. I began to notice others who are already well into the last third of their lives. Many people I’ve observed are well into their 80’s, approaching 90 with life still to live. Some are writers, others church teachers, some play instruments, sing, and paint or give example of living well simply by the way they treat others. What I love to see are elderly people smiling, laughing at children, and enjoying this day in their life.

Our lives can become melancholy as we age and we reminisce of days gone by whether we want to or not. Living in the past is not healthy, it can even be depressing as we continually mourn the passing of a life that once was. Change is inevitable and life is constantly evolving. In what form we live out that evolution is up to us. Make plans, do good to others, make sacrifices of some kind for the greater good, and helping other people might allow our minds to transition into the “twilight years” with a happier heart.

The Serenity Prayer

by theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr (1930’s or ‘40’s)

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.