Embracing Today

Christmas, 1970-something, my cousins, brothers and I in Port Neches with our grandmother

For all of the years I lived in Port Neches, Texas, and even for many years to follow, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, and my grandparents would all gather at my parent’s house for holidays. My mom’s parents, who lived a short drive away, celebrated with us every year. My dad's parents lived in Oklahoma and I have assumed all of these years it was because they just lived too far away to drive to Texas for the holidays. It might be safe to think that my grandparents just didn't drive very far across the Oklahoma border. We visited them about one time a year.

If the Abilene relatives drove down by Christmas Eve, mom and her sister would bake in the kitchen for the next day.  The East Texas cousins would arrive on Christmas Day. While cooking and baking was going on in the kitchen, we kids would play games, the men watched football on TV, and at some point in the evening a domino game of Forty-Two would start up.  What a great memory for me to remember the shouts of victory, explanations of why someone had lost or the laughter as a team caught up to the winners.  Those happy sounds blended with delicious smells wafting from the kitchen, were a real joy to me as a child and a comforting memory to me as an adult.

All the beds in the house, plus sofa beds and pallets on the floor, were filled on Christmas Eve with family members.  When us kids would wake up, we'd head straight for the Santa presents. I had to be careful not to reveal Santa’s true identity to my younger cousins. Mom explained the Santa thing sort of like this:  "It’s fun to pretend there is a Santa Claus, but we are the ones that bring your presents." Mama felt she should not lie to us and so, I never "believed" in Santa as a real person. However, I sure believed in Christmas. I loved the decorated tree, the presents, the fun I had with my cousins and all the wonderful food my mom, aunts and grandmother would fix. Those were special times locked away forever in my memory.

Just thinking about all the scrumptious foods prepared at Christmas makes my mouth water. My aunts, grandmother along with Mama were experts at making fluffy white divinity candy so sweet that one piece was all you could eat.  Mother's enticing pecan and coconut cream pies were a standard for the holidays. She baked ham, surgery yams, potato salad, baked beans, fruit salad, and hot soft rolls. Oftentimes, she also prepared turkey and dressing, in spite of having just served it on Thanksgiving. There was always enough food to feed "Cox's Army" as my mom would say.  It all came so naturally for her to make Christmas a joyous time to be with family.

The last Christmas we celebrated in my childhood home, was 1992 before Mama passed away in May of 1993.  Mom cooked her usual spread of Christmas food for all of us who gathered.  We played games and laughed ourselves silly.  However, mom was sick and was not to be with us for the next Christmas.  She passed away in from cancer. That same year, my brothers and I learned that Daddy’s forgetfulness wasn’t just natural aging. He had Alzheimer’s disease.  Christmas, 1992, closed the book on my childhood Christmas holidays.  Even though I was an adult, as long as my parents were living, I still felt like a child. My dad passed away five years after Mom in September of 1998.

Even though I made attempts to continue my mom’s kind of Christmas with my brothers and sisters in law at our house, it never caught on.  We all knew it was time to split up where we spent the holiday. Aunts and Uncles spent future holidays with my cousins' families. My brothers went with their wives' families and I with my husband's family at Christmas. Depression began to seep into my holidays as I mourned the passing of the Ritchey/Bond Christmas in Port Neches.

When Christmas with our three sons and their families come to our house, I anticipate a wonderful day shared with them, my husband, and three very fun grandchildren. With Mom’s recipes, I can prepare some of the tastes from my past and honor her, my grandmother and aunts. Traditions are perhaps a past generation’s idea. I am learning that it’s okay to let those traditions pass with their  generation and not mourn their death over and over again. Our children and grandchildren will celebrate any occasion with their energetic youthful joy filling our home with laughter, songs and fun. So, I know it is better for me to dust off my Holiday Spirit and embrace the present generation through our children while fondly remembering my parents and days gone by.  
(Embracing Today, originally written Dec., 2010)

Christmas, 2008, The Martins at our house in Baytown

Obituary

I've never written an obituary, but it was a privilege to write this for Johnny. The obituary will appear in the Beaumont Enterprise next week without the photo. I was alarmed at how much adding a photo to an obit cost.  Johnny didn't want the picture in the paper anyway. He was a good brother and I'm going to miss him a lot. - ML

Johnny Elton Ritchey, 68, of Beaumont, died June 20, 2011 at Memorial Hermann Baptist Hospital East.

Johnny “Big John” Ritchey was born January 24, 1943 in Ryan, OK, to the late Elton and Louise Ritchey from Port Neches. Following graduation from Port Neches-Groves High School in 1960, he attended Lamar University.  He served in the United States Army from 1966 to 1972, serving much of that time in Japan.

Johnny was an employee of Richard Design Services, Inc. in Beaumont as a draftsman. He loved his pets and as an avid outdoorsman, enjoyed the shooting range, a deer lease or fishing hole better than any other place.

Johnny is preceded in death by his beloved wife, Cynthia Hayes Ritchey, and his parents. Survivors include his nephew, Charles Hunter of Austin; mother-in-law, Barbara Hayes, of Beaumont; one brother, Richard Lee Ritchey and wife, Melissa , of Kingwood; one sister, Mary Lou Martin and husband, Kim of Baytown; loving uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews and nieces.

A private memorial will be held on July 9, in Jasper, TX for family.  Memorial gifts may be mailed to the Humane Society of Southeast Texas, P.O. Box 1629, Beaumont, TX 77704.

My Big Brother Johnny

Johnny and me

My oldest brother, Johnny Elton Ritchey, was known to his friends as Big John. He was named after my dad's father, John R. Ritchey and our dad, Elton L. Ritchey.  Mine and Kim's middle son, Kyle, also shares Johnny's middle name, "Elton". Born January 24, 1943, in Ryan, Oklahoma, Johnny passed away at the age of 68, on June 20, 2011, in Beaumont, Texas.
 
My Big Brother, standing a few inches over 6 feet tall and 10 years my senior, was truly a big brother. When I was around 4 years old, I remember him carrying me through high water in our garage to our house after Hurricane Audrey hit Port Neches. My mom had grown weary of the high school shelter and wrangling my 7 year old brother and me. Even though wind was still blowing and light rain was continuing to come down, the real danger had passed and Mama insisted we go back home. Our garage was full of water and too high for a little girl my size to walk through, so Johnny scooped me up in his arms, carrying me through the water to the safety of our house. I thought he was so brave because I heard my mama comment that there might be water snakes in the water.

On another occasion while living in that same house, Johnny and a buddy was taking high school physiology, decided that they would catch bullfrogs at the city park down by the Neches River. There they would use one of the barbecue pits in the park to boil the frogs and reconstruct the bones as part of a science fair project. Before they boiled any frogs though, Johnny decided his little brother and sister should get a chance to see the overgrown toads they had caught.  To a 4 year old, it seemed very late at night when Johnny and Lewis showed up at our garage back door.  Mama had already gone to the back door when my brother and I came in the kitchen to see what was going on. Just as Johnny opened the gunny sack with the frogs, one of the critters croaked loudly and leaped to its freedom.  That thing hit the garage ceiling, coming down on top of our car taking another great leap high in the air, all while my mama was squealing at Johnny to catch the frog and take it back to the park.  The details are sketchy, but that's how I remember it happening. All I know was that my big brother could catch bullfrogs late at night and he was sure a brave person to do such a thing.

Many times Johnny showed his love to me making me feel very special. One such occasion was when my aunt gave birth to my cousin, Craig.  I was sitting by myself in the hospital waiting room because 9 year old kids were not allowed in the patient's room. When Johnny arrived to meet our new cousin, he saw me sitting alone and asked if I had money for the vending machines. After he learned I didn't have anything to spend, he emptied his pocket change into my hands and told me to buy a coke for myself.  Some years later, when I was just turning 13 years old, Johnny gave me a bottle of White Shoulders perfume. That as the first real perfume I had ever owned. He often brought me a little gift, gave me a special ride in his dune buggy or just handed me pocket change for a coke. All of which made me feel like he thought he a had a very special little sister. 

My perception of Johnny's bravery became real to me when at about 21 years of age, he was drafted into the United States Army at a time when our country was involved in the Vietnam war. Having been awarded a sizable scholarship to Lamar University after high school graduation, Johnny had fallen in love with a girl he wanted to marry. After months of trying to work part time, earn enough to support a wife who wanted much and go to school, he dropped out of college to work full time. It was then that the draft called his number and he began boot camp. After a time he was shipped to Japan. I remember feeling such relief when 80% of his platoon were deployed to Vietnam; while he was fortunately sent to Japan where he drove and worked with the wounded on a medic bus that received soldiers from the war zone to a Japanese hospital. To me, it took a lot of gumption and integrity to be a soldier and my big brother fit the bill. Unfortunately, after returning from the war to his wife, his young marriage ended in divorce.  I recall how respectfully he approached my dad with the news and later with news of his marrying Cynthia.  He wasn't sure how dad would take the divorce or his marrying again because of what the church taught about divorce and remarrying. But as soon as my family met and got to know Cynthia, we all knew she was meant to be in our family.  When she suffered through an aggressive cancer in her 50's, which eventually took her life, I knew Johnny was in her life for a reason. As Johnny stayed by his love's side through her darkest hours, willing to do anything necessary, I now realize his ultimate act of bravery. 

There are so many more stories that come to mind involving Johnny and me. It won't do them justice to write them here. I realize that my big brother was not a perfect man even though I could relay many times he was kindhearted, giving, caring and noble. Johnny realized his shortcomings better than any other person.  There was a time when he lived a rough adult life almost to the ruin of another marriage. Although, Cynthia was put off by his heavy drinking at times, she loved him and would not divorce him. She was a God fearing Christian who made a lasting impression on Johnny's life. To her credit she would not insist or pressure Johnny to attend church with her either. He respected Cynthia's faith and after our mother's death, questioned Cynthia about God's love for sinners. In what was Cynthia's dying days and out of his love for her; Johnny took her to church one Sunday. That day he walked down the aisle during an alter call. Cynthia told of the outpouring of love shown to Johnny by the church members and what that act of kindness had meant to him.  Cynthia also told me later that he even prayed with her at their dinner table. That meant so much to her. Several months ago, Johnny had hip surgery and their nephew, Chas, came to live 3 months with him to help care for him through his recovery. Chas lived a large portion of his growing up years with Johnny and Cynthia and regarded them as parents.  As Johnny was recouperating he had the occasion to think and told Chas that he believed in Jesus Christ and that he would see Cynthia in heaven. I know all the angels rejoiced to hear those words and none more than Cynthia.

My big brother, Johnny, will be missed by many and especially by his little sister.