Louise, Mama, Big Mama

Louise Bernice Bond Ritchey, lovingly called "Big Mama" by our sons, passed away on May 4, 1993. The photo here was taken March 2, 1984 on her birthday.

May 4th, around 3:00 a.m., I was in Port Neches standing at my mother's bedside with my sister-in-law's mom who was helping tend to Mother. Barbara wrapped her arms around me as we both watched Mama take one last breath and leave. In the middle of the night, we stood there watching and breathing our own sighs of relief that Mom's struggle with cancer had ended.

I miss my mom and the impulsive last minute decisions I'd make to drive the hour trip to Pt. Neches just for a visit. The impulse to go, still comes without resolution. In 1993, on spring, sun-laden days in late April/early May, most of my drives were alone to be with Mom who lay dying of cancer. My oldest brother, Johnny, had already been there helping the best way he could. My other brother would join us at our childhood home the day before Mama passed away. My daddy lay awake in bed, confused as to why we were all there; had symptoms of Alzheimer's disease. It was such a blessing to have my big strong brothers there to share the heavy grief as we made important, life-changing decisions. I was especially blessed to have Barbara there to hold me as we stayed those last moments with Mama's body. On that day and in years to come, my husband and his family have allowed me the separation from the surreal circumstance. I don't believe I could have made it through the ordeal without my beloved Kim for the mental support he provided.

Even though Mama has been gone for 16 years, it doesn't seem that long ago since we were together laughing in her kitchen. Mom was a great cook and loved to feed her family on holidays or anytime any of us were at their house. I mainly provided conversation, set the table or made a salad, while watching her cook. I miss her as much as I miss all the family gatherings we used to have with my brothers' families, my grandmother and all my aunts, uncles and cousins. All of that seemed to stop when Mama died.

Mom and Dad are together in heaven now with their sibblings and parents. Someday we will all be together again for a grand reunion.

I love and miss you every day, Mom.

Alone Again, Naturally!

Today is rainy, windy and wet outside. Although, it is not hailing like it was last night, I won't venture out today if I can help it. With Kim gone to work on sets, I'm once again Home Alone. Unlike Macaulay Culkin, I'm not too worried about bothersome crooks trying to break into my house. My only pest is this gray tabby cat draped across my lap while I try to use my laptop.

With many closets in my house that clearly need an overhaul, the abundant amount of paperwork lying around in the office (loose translation of office), not to mention a small video project I am working on, plus the daily housework of cleaning floors, washing clothes and such, one would think that I could keep myself busy 24/7. I've several books that were bought, loaned, and gifted to me waiting for my attention. Obviously, there is no shortage of work and entertainment around here to occupy my time well into the night.

So, what will it be that captures my attention, that intrigues me enough to indulge my senses for long periods of time? I'm thinking my video project would be a nice little task that I could dive into with joy and gain a sense of fulfilled completion by the end of the day. Working on a creative project won't tax my brain too much or frustrate me to tears. Perhaps I'd even get some of the laundry washed or a floor vaccumed inbetween creative thoughts. I'm liking this idea very much.

As soon as I finish a second cup of coffee and check out what my friends on HGTV are doing this morning, I'll get started. Yep, that's what I'll do. Hope you all have a very productive day.

Ooooo, one of my Facebook friends has commented on a thread I was part of...I have to check it out. Bye!

Blog Topics and Elephants

When I sit down to post on this blog, sometimes I have a topic, although other times like now, I do not. Yesterday, I wrote an article, but decided that it was too long for a blog and I'd rambled too much. So, I hit delete and gave it up for the day. Many times I think of a subject I'd like to address, but realize that if I post it, the topic may stir up problems for me with some of my readers. Not that I have that many readers, but I have just enough that if my context is any way controversial, it could get back to others who would not understand. I'd be told to "be careful what you put in print". Does that qualify as censorship? I suppose it might, but just on my part, after all, I am my own editor. However, if I were a gutsy writer, a bold reporter, I would not censor myself because it is my writing, my point of view and anyone that has a problem with it should just get over it. Yeah!! or maybe not. Sorry about that, I didn't mean to get carried away.

Although there is a side of me that wants to tell people to take a hike or lay off, when faced with the opportunity, I shy away. Well, that is, most of the time. I have told a person face to face that I didn't like the way he was talking to me. Although, that was not writing and he was the protagonist, not me. Hmmm... well lets just say that I've written from the protagonist point of view and heard about it from others who were "concerned" about me. Once I wrote what I thought to be an analogy...or was it a metaphor? (I get those mixed up.) It was written because of a situation that had upset me at our church. I really thought I'd camouflaged it pretty well. Besides, who reads this blog? No one. I found out differently when a friend called to meet her at Starbucks. Seems some church person had read my blog and was afraid that we were leaving the church. I was surprised and amazed that someone read the post much less would care enough about what I'd written. Moreover, sending a friend to talk to me about what I had written was a real eye-opener. People really do read this blog!

Anyway, this is one of those post about nothing in particular because if I write about topics on my mind, it may not set well with some friends who apparently do read this blog and would get their feathers ruffled. I truly don't want to offend anyone. That is the truth, too. I also don't want any of them to think ill of me either. However, it would sure be freeing to be able to say what is really on my mind. To be able to discuss that big gray elephant standing in the middle of the church aisle. You see it, don't you? Well, maybe you aren't at my church, but trust me, there's one there. He stands there every time we meet and no one ever seems to notice him, especially, the elephant keepers who walk around him every time they were in the aisle. Although, there has been a whisper or two that I'm sure was someone wondering about the elephant, no one has had the presence to announce, "there is an elephant in the aisle and this house is no place for such a thing." Maybe one day some newcomer who doesn't know any better, will ask about that big gray elephant standing in the middle of the aisle and "why isn't someone doing something to get him out". When that day comes, a meeting will be called, there will be a discussion, maybe even an disagreement (that's the part I don't like), but eventually, hopefully, the elephant will be gone. When it's out, we'll clean up the aisle so we can worship free of distractions, free of barriers, free of the questions surrounding the elephant, and free of the dominating smell of the beast's presence that everyone seemed to ignore.

Sorry, this wasn't much of a post today. I just couldn't think of a topic. Maybe next time I write, I'll have more of an idea about what to write.

Thanks for reading, whoever you are.